Friday, June 30, 2006
14 days in this place and i've managed to....
- cut out my own stitch. $50+ is too much for such a simple procedure. Plus! I probably would have stabbed myself multiple times in the thigh, driven by my own impatience and the anguish of waiting for two hours for a damn nurse, further worsening the situation. For my own health and safety, surgery shall from this moment on be performed by myself in my own apartment.
- almost get hit by a bus. totally for serious not funny stop laughing ya bastard. it went a little like this: rainrainrain pedalpedalridepedal ohdeargod that whaooo vrooomm busbusbus shoulderbus shoulderbus wheels wetroad fuckingpissed hate bah argg pedalpedalroadragepedal catchup redlight flashevileye shoutvulgarities primphair skiphome
- not abide by my mid-june resolution to kick my coffee addiction
- almost get hit by a bus. totally for serious not funny stop laughing ya bastard. it went a little like this: rainrainrain pedalpedalridepedal ohdeargod that whaooo vrooomm busbusbus shoulderbus shoulderbus wheels wetroad fuckingpissed hate bah argg pedalpedalroadragepedal catchup redlight flashevileye shoutvulgarities primphair skiphome
- not abide by my mid-june resolution to kick my coffee addiction
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
11 days in columbus and i've managed to...
Friday, June 23, 2006
8 days...i've managed to...
- hear "lullaby" by the cure in giant eagle (chain grocery store). the cure has not become elevator music and giant eagle has not become hip. what the shit?
Thursday, June 22, 2006
7 days...and bla managed bla bla...
- listen to a crap-ton of eastern european gypsy music. if the music were a tangible item, such as thinly sliced smoked salmon, it would surely fill a bath tub. and I would most likely put a few pieces on my face. well, there goes my "get out of the psych ward free" card.
- find a shopping center called "consumer square." Yea, crazy shit happens when you get in a car and drive away from tall things and towards smaller things (I am allowed only one intelligent comment a day...unfortunately for you, i used this earlier when discussing the significance of the kanji for wife within the Japanese feminist movement...in Farsi). I guess the people who named this shopping center figured that if you are living that far in the burbs you must already have no soul, and thusly would not be offended by the shopping complex calling you a consumer whore. Shout "consumer whore" in a crowded theater and what happens? Nobody moves. And where are most theaters? In the burbs. My point exactly.
- come across a congregation of shopping carts at the edge of a pair of railroad tracks, obviously about to commit suicide. I was about to stop them from making the worst decision of their lives (which were clearly almost over anyways...come on, that rust was caked), but then i realized that I needed to document this event. Photographs to come shortly...
- find a shopping center called "consumer square." Yea, crazy shit happens when you get in a car and drive away from tall things and towards smaller things (I am allowed only one intelligent comment a day...unfortunately for you, i used this earlier when discussing the significance of the kanji for wife within the Japanese feminist movement...in Farsi). I guess the people who named this shopping center figured that if you are living that far in the burbs you must already have no soul, and thusly would not be offended by the shopping complex calling you a consumer whore. Shout "consumer whore" in a crowded theater and what happens? Nobody moves. And where are most theaters? In the burbs. My point exactly.
- come across a congregation of shopping carts at the edge of a pair of railroad tracks, obviously about to commit suicide. I was about to stop them from making the worst decision of their lives (which were clearly almost over anyways...come on, that rust was caked), but then i realized that I needed to document this event. Photographs to come shortly...
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
6 days...i've managed to...
- ask a man if he needed any change when he gave me a twenty dollar bill and 3 ones for an order that was twenty dollars even (the 3 dollars were obviously my tip). Its only slightly less offensive than saying, "Um, i'm sorry sir, umm, not to offend...but are you retarded?" good one kim.
3 days in c-bus...i've managed to....
- Start learning Farsi (language of Iran). Yea, people actually teach this. They are called terrorists. And likewise, people actually opt to learn this. They, too, are called terrorists. (If the NSA is reading this...get off my ass. Its called a joke. And looks like the joke's on you who will never be able to access my library record. zing!)
- Question why diagonals get such a bad rep. Horizontals and verticals have a monopoly over alignment. (this works better on paper because blogger is an anti-diagonal establishment. pretend the following is diagonal) Diagonals of the world Unite! (insert diagonal fist)
- Question why diagonals get such a bad rep. Horizontals and verticals have a monopoly over alignment. (this works better on paper because blogger is an anti-diagonal establishment. pretend the following is diagonal) Diagonals of the world Unite! (insert diagonal fist)
2 Days in Columbus...i've managed to...
- try to kill a roach. and fail. damn them drains that drain shit. like water. and roaches.
- slice open my leg and get a stitch. to say i got stitches is a lie. i got a stitch. one. damn.
- swell to the size of a prego woman, yet keep stuffing my face.
- sleep on white sheet with really dirty feet. i hung them off the edge...'til i turned the light off...so jesus wouldn't see.
- laugh out loud (yet again) at the idea of naming a company "ulubus." come on. u lub us.
- slice open my leg and get a stitch. to say i got stitches is a lie. i got a stitch. one. damn.
- swell to the size of a prego woman, yet keep stuffing my face.
- sleep on white sheet with really dirty feet. i hung them off the edge...'til i turned the light off...so jesus wouldn't see.
- laugh out loud (yet again) at the idea of naming a company "ulubus." come on. u lub us.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
premise #2
To further explain the previous post...(the long..er...version)
I just moved to Columbus. The Columbus in Ohio, not to be mistaken by the one in Montana. Or Kentucky. Or Mississippi. Yea, you probably thought there was only one. Actually, probably not because the big Chris C. was kinda sorta a really frickin big part of american history or at least according to my 5th grade history text book. zinn and a crapload of other scholars can debate and I will leave the academic babble up to them because that is not the point of this blog and oh sweet jesus i am digressing get back on track now and ok erm...
ahem...
i moved to columbus. grew up in t-town, just moved from the 'nati to c-bus. What's up with living in cities with really shitty nicknames?
so I'm here for the summer. overall my days consist of a series of robotic, mindless motions that get me from one place to another. Periodically I stop in between motions. Occasionally I sit. Or talk. To people, myself, a rose bush. I urinate. Quite frequently, in fact (due to large consumption of water, not a system malfunction or disease. and even if it was, I wouldn't tell ya). Food enters my body a few times daily. Sometimes I assist in this process, other times little sustenance gnomes cheer me on.
it sounds like I lead the life of a business man in his 40s with 3 children, a dog with alzheimers and a wife who claims Oprah is her psychiatrist.
But the difference between me and that man, is he has a mustache. oh how I envy....
AND!
Within the first few days of my time in Columbus, I have managed to do some strange things.
And I started writing them down.
i shall share...
(it is now day 5... day 2 and 3 were written on stickynotes with no stick (notes?). the next post will therefore be day 2, then day 3 followed by the present day. Simple concept for simple minded people. doubleparentheses not you end doubleparentheses)
I just moved to Columbus. The Columbus in Ohio, not to be mistaken by the one in Montana. Or Kentucky. Or Mississippi. Yea, you probably thought there was only one. Actually, probably not because the big Chris C. was kinda sorta a really frickin big part of american history or at least according to my 5th grade history text book. zinn and a crapload of other scholars can debate and I will leave the academic babble up to them because that is not the point of this blog and oh sweet jesus i am digressing get back on track now and ok erm...
ahem...
i moved to columbus. grew up in t-town, just moved from the 'nati to c-bus. What's up with living in cities with really shitty nicknames?
so I'm here for the summer. overall my days consist of a series of robotic, mindless motions that get me from one place to another. Periodically I stop in between motions. Occasionally I sit. Or talk. To people, myself, a rose bush. I urinate. Quite frequently, in fact (due to large consumption of water, not a system malfunction or disease. and even if it was, I wouldn't tell ya). Food enters my body a few times daily. Sometimes I assist in this process, other times little sustenance gnomes cheer me on.
it sounds like I lead the life of a business man in his 40s with 3 children, a dog with alzheimers and a wife who claims Oprah is her psychiatrist.
But the difference between me and that man, is he has a mustache. oh how I envy....
AND!
Within the first few days of my time in Columbus, I have managed to do some strange things.
And I started writing them down.
i shall share...
(it is now day 5... day 2 and 3 were written on stickynotes with no stick (notes?). the next post will therefore be day 2, then day 3 followed by the present day. Simple concept for simple minded people. doubleparentheses not you end doubleparentheses)
the premise
why am I doing this?
To save paper of course.
Duh. might I even say double duh?
I might.
But not now.
Dumb questions like these are not acceptable.
To save paper of course.
Duh. might I even say double duh?
I might.
But not now.
Dumb questions like these are not acceptable.
i really hope nobody reads this. ever. enjoy!
i actually clicked "check availability" for the url "electronicstickynoteramblings.blogspot.com" because, you know, somebody might have already gotten to it before me. and when the next person comes along and types that name in, checks its availability, chuckling to his/herself because nobody in their right mind would ever...BAM!!! "already taken, sucka!" appears on their screen. I hope blogspot gives him/her two choices: become bestist friends with me because we obviously came from the same freakish womb, or kill me. or at least attempt. I will be waiting. it will be the sticky note fight of the century or umm, nerdy whatnot.
i'm gonna go reads me some books! 'bout spaceships.
i'm gonna go reads me some books! 'bout spaceships.
